You're it, until you're not.
It's like surprise and hurt combines to form a stunning sense of blankness.
What he felt:
“It was the hardest part of my life when I first started coming [to LIFT]. I was used to success and defeat kind of slapped me in the face. You lose your family, you lose your job and your health goes bad all in a 6 month period and you get kind of disoriented.”